Hey everybody! My sweet and smart mama has written another awesome post about marriage. Aren’t they adorable?!
Does it seem strange that a daughter asks her Mom to write some tips on intimacy in the bedroom? That was my first thought, but then Jess isn’t your average gal! My handsome Prince Charming and I have been happily married for 38 years, so here’s some thoughts on the subject…
In our fast life, women have to play a major part in creating intimacy with our spouses. It doesn’t matter if you are in your younger, middle or older years—life is busy and this is too important to leave to chance!
It all starts earlier in the day than you might think. Women are different from men and the “atmosphere” in your home has a major effect on your desire to be with your man. Life is not perfect and you can’t always re-create “hotel sex” with a busy life, children, a job, etc. But, purposely striving for a general atmosphere of mutual love and respect goes a long, long way toward having an intimate marriage. I highly recommend an excellent book on the subject called Love and Respect : The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs.
Be a student of your husband. Asking God to lead and direct you works wonders! Read a book, join a Bible study on marriage, or read a blog you trust if you can’t figure him out. Observe what he likes and try hard to do it. Now, you might think I am talking about something in the bedroom, but first, I am talking about making sure you do the little things that he likes to create that all important “atmosphere” in the home. Study if he likes certain foods bought or prepared, how he likes his laundry done (my husband is a better ironer than I am but you get the idea), or figuring out what are the little things that push his hot buttons (forgetting to post checks in the checkbook is Bob’s!) Does he like a routine or variety in the evenings with dinner, homework, play time with the kids, etc. Does he like surprises? (That is a fun biggie to figure out!) Study to find out what brings out the best in your man. Intimacy will be much easier to create once the overall household atmosphere is flowing smoothly. There are a variety of websites and Christian blogs that will educate you on this subject. One of my favorites is called Love, Honor and Vacuum written by Sheila Wray Gregoire. Here is a link to a piece she wrote: She has posted“29 Days to Great Sex” so check it out!
Go to bed at the same time as your spouse! This is a very important tip to keeping the embers going strong. Believe me, when our children were little I had a major tendency to stay up late and get things done. But early in our marriage, I read something (I was always reading marriage improvement books) that changed all that. I started making myself to go to bed at the same time as my husband. Suffice it to say, that is often when intimacy starts—having time to have a little light banter or chuckles in the dark, to give or receive a backrub and just enjoy the pleasure of being physically (non-sexually) close to your spouse is very important in creating intimacy. CAUTION! Do NOT get in the habit of letting your babies or children sleep in your bed. They need to learn early on that is not their place to sleep! (Talk about three’s a crowd!) Children need to learn early on that Mom and Dad have a special relationship priority that is stronger than any sleeping issue ever invented!
Lean in. This is such a very quick and easy way to start a “blaze” later on! Click here to read how to start your own blaze. This was posted on a blog I receive called the Club 31 Women. It’s a blog primarily written by Lisa Jacobson with a team of a few other stellar Christian women. And, boy do they have some great ideas! I highly recommend subscribing to this one! Their Instagram is quick and keeps you thinking about the important components of a great marriage.
Keep the mystique. Years ago, when we had not been married very long, a good friend gave me this advice. I jumped on it as I thought it was intriguing and well, mysterious. It has served me well over the years… Bathroom noises, sights and smells are not in my top ten romance list, so be vigilant in this area! I still run the water when I go into a hotel bathroom and my husband is right outside the door! Now, I know the “le no make-up look” is beautiful, but mismatched PJ’s and stained clothing are not very mysterious! Be selective when you are choosing your nighttime wear. It doesn’t have to be expensive or overly fancy, just make sure you have something pretty to wear at night. Keeping up your personal hygiene, ie, shave your legs in the winter, gargle with mouthwash before coming to bed, etc., goes a long way to keeping the intimacy fires burning.
I will close with a quote from an Instagram I received from Focus on the Family. By the way, Focus on the Family has a tremendous library of radio broadcasts, books, etc. from the best of the best on marriage and all subjects pertaining to the family. I highly recommend listening to their programs (get the app) and becoming a student of marriage! “Always strive to give your spouse the very best of yourself; not what’s left over after you have given your best to everyone else,” by Dave Willis.
What are your thoughts on intimacy in marriage? Do you struggle to find time for romance or are you doing OK in this area? One thing I do know, if your marriage is in trouble, or even headed that way, get some help. Marriage is meant for a lifetime and there are lots of resources to help you along the way!
photography by Jen Wright